


You're the Closest "Friend" I Got *ABANDONED*

by keekee1066



Series: Do Not Throw Away Your Shot [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Alex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Homoflex John, I already tagged angst but it needs to be tagged again because there's gonna be so much, Laf needs a hug, Modern AU, Multi, Mutual Pining, Non-binary character, Post-College AU, Schuyler sisters are minor, Slow To Update, Texting, That character is Lafayette., Thomas is a good person in this one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-05-17 22:04:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5887048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keekee1066/pseuds/keekee1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex and John have been best friends for years. And their friends are more than sick of their endless flirting and clueless tendencies.</p><p>aka- I am VERY bad at writing summaries.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. That's all we are. Friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I've had this idea in my head for a while now, but I never got around to actually writing it. But, today's a snowday, so I literally have no excuse to not. So yeah. I wrote physical description of the characters based on how I imagined them, so some may be based on the actors that play them in the show, and they might not be. BTW this is my first fic, so don't be mean.

John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton had been friends for years.

John had known he had wild feelings for Alexander from the moment he saw him. He was breathtaking to say the least. He had pale skin, perfectly long red hair and, _oh _those eyes, those round violet eyes that had such a fiery passion behind them.__

He and Alex became fast friends after John told the story of the beautiful stranger to his roommate Lafayette, and they said that the stranger sounded like a guy in their Political Science course. Laf introduced the two. John thanked the heavens for Lafayette that day.

So now he sat in a circle with his best friends three years later, year after college. They were watching "Glee", at Thomas's request. The particular episode that they agreed on was the one where Blaine proposes to Kurt. He couldn't help but look down at the sleepy eyed boy next to him, wondering what it could be like if Alexander weren't the straightest man to walk the Earth.

He managed to hold it together. Until he felt someone curl into his right side and bury their face into his chest. 

_Fuck. Alexander Hamilton is cuddling me right now. ___

He had no clue what to do. Does he stroke his hair. Yes, that's exactly what he does. They stay like this for another episode, when a heavy French accent cuts through the room.

"Oh mon dieu. You two honestly need to get a room." 

"I have no idea what you're talking about Lafayette. Don't pretend you and Hercules don't cuddle like this all the time." Oh Alex. Ever the defensive one. It wasn't like he didn't have a point, Alexander never said anything if it wasn't going to have a point.

"So quick witted." Jefferson. He was a friend of the whole group, even though he had some bad blood of sorts with Aaron after he won the Student Senate seat Junior year. He looked like he may have added to that when James shot him a look from his perch in Thomas's lap, shutting him up after muttering something under his breath that was impossible to make out from the other side of the room.

"Alas I admit it"

They dropped it after that, and the rest of the evening went smoothly until Thomas, James, Hercules, Aaron, and Alex had to leave.

As John was getting ready for bed, he couldn't help the nagging question in the back of his brain. What had Lafayette meant earlier? He hadn't told anyone about his massive crush on his best friend. Had he been that obvious? Sure, he and Alex had flirtatious conversations, but those were friendly. Nothing more, they couldn't be.

"Laf?"

"Yes?"

"What did you mean when you said me and Alex should "get a room" earlier?"

"Don't worry about it right now John. You will understand when you are older." There was something in their voice that implied something, and he wanted to know what it was.

"You're older than me by two months! Not even that," he shot back, spinning around to look at the French immigrant typing nonchalantly on their laptop. "So you need to answer my question." Lafayette sighs, closing their laptop and looking at John.

"I'm tired, and definitely not in the mood for this conversation. So drop it, John."

Before John had the chance protest, Lafayette shrugged past him and into their room, leaving a very confused John in the hallway.

[Francophile] G'night, loves. Even though Alex isn't going to sleep anytime soon.  
Thomas. Ever the one to start fights with Alexander via text message.  
[Horse-Fucker] I'll try and coax him into sleeping if I can.  
[Lion] Never. Too much work to do  
[Lancelot] Mon ami, please fall asleep before 4 tonight. That's all we ever ask.  
[Me] And we all know that you're a week ahead of your classes.  
[Lion] Actually, only two days now. So I have a lot to do.  
**Horse-Fucker has been removed from this group. ******  
[Me] Wut.  
[Lancelot] Herc?  
[Francophile] Come back to uuuuus.  
[Maddy] Who did that?  
[Lion] :)  
**Added Horse-Fucker to this group ******  
[Horse-Fucker] Wth Alex?!  
[Lion] You took my laptop!  
[Horse-Fucker] For your own good.  
[Lancelot] Hercules give it back, we're all still awake anyway.  
[Francophile] Idk, it's pretty fun to think about Alex getting super angry as Hercules whisks away the thing that has been proven responsible for his sleep deprivation.  
[Maddy] Thomas, stop it  
[Francophile] Awww but it's so fun James!  
[Me] Siding with Laf and Alex on this one, it's only 11 right now anyway.  
[Horse-Fucker _] Fine. no fun._


	2. I Trust You'll Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Hercules have an important talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi loves! So I wasn't planning on writing from Alex's point of view, but I felt it necessary so everyone could see the pining. Anyway, welcome back to more of my nonsense, and I hope you enjoy!

That night (after Hercules gave him back his laptop), he went about his normal night-time routine.

Step one: Say goodnight to the squad. That one Thomas helped him accomplish.  
Thomas was always there for Alexander, even when they didn't see eye to eye. Thomas also happened to be the person the gang knew the least (excluding James, he and Thomas had a long-distance relationship while Thomas was in France).

Step two: Write.  
Alex could write for hours on end. He wrote about anything and everything that came to mind. However, on this particular night, he wanted only to write about John. John Fucking Laurens, with his perfect hair, amazing arms, eyes as green as emeralds, and his goddamned freckles. The freckles that he fell in love with when he made eye contact with the stranger when he first enrolled into college, in the midst of a conversation with Aaron Burr. You can imagine his surprise when a Frenchman (who Alex would soon learn wasn't a man at all), said there was someone they wanted him to meet the very next day. You can imagine his excitement when he found out that someone was the gorgeous stranger from the previous day, named John. Even the thought of the name made him blush.

No matter what he felt for Laurens though, the feeling would never be reciprocated. John Laurens was straight. That much was apparent after John cried when he thought he had gotten Martha Manning knocked up. Luckily, she wasn't. But he never looked so terrified. The fact that he even had to worry about that was all Alex needed to know though.

Step three: Actually get ready for bed.  
This is the one that annoyed Mulligan to no end. Hercules was in fact a very light sleeper, so one can only imagine being woken up at 3:00 am to his roommate brushing his teeth.  
Alex slept in long, plaid pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. Every night, so he didn't fumble around the room constantly looking for something to wear.

Step four: Open.  
This is the step Alex never knew what to do with.  
On some nights if he was still feeling inspired, he would continue to write. More often than not though, he was burnt out from it and just wanted to sit and do almost nothing.  
Some nights, he would look at pictures of John. Creepy as it may sound, he liked to remember times when those photos were taken, or even moments when he looked similar.

One of them was the night the attended a large party in the winter. This was a period where Alex had given up chance of being with John and had a winter fling of sorts with a young girl named Eliza. She really liked him, that he could tell. But then Maria Reynolds happened a couple months later and needless to say it ended.

Step five: Reflect on the day.  
It had been rather uneventful until he got to meet up with his friends. He got up, did his morning routine (that's an explanation for a different time), and left for the pet shop he worked at. It was just a temporary job, until he could find a law firm to work at.  
Things changed that night though. The uneventful day left him unsatisfied, a situation he found himself in often, and was seeking an adventure, a risk.  
Thomas begged for them to watch an episode of Glee. The man could never get enough of it. But, the group was okay with it (they all secretly liked Glee, but would never give Thomas the satisfaction of knowing such).  
When the whole cast is singing during Blaine's proposal, he feels a pair of green eyes shift to him. His breath stopped short, because John was looking at him. He was tired, but feeling emerald shone upon you was sure to wake everyone up. John looked away a moment later, biting his lip, those perfect lips that Alex couldn't help but look at in this very moment.

So he made a bold move. He wrapped himself around John, and rested his face on his chest. They had cuddled before, during a storm when Alex would be nervous, needing to be calmed down again every time a clap of thunder hit. But that was John being comforting, being a good friend.

This was different.

There was no reason behind it. If John were uncomfortable about it, what would Alex say? Even he, the man who never ran out of brilliant eloquent words wouldn't be able to make a convincing lie. And the truth? The truth was out of the question. He wan't out to any of his friends, even though he considered telling Hercules on occasion. It wasn't because he thought any of them would be homophobic and shut him out, Thomas and James were in a relationship and it bothered no one, not to mention Lafayette being non binary. But he was scared that his absolutely massive crush on John would be apparent.

But the finger that made its way to twisting itself with Alex's hair was all the confirmation he needed that it was okay.

The only thing that was upsetting was what Laf said at the end of the episode. What did they mean by that? It was just innocent cuddling, and they and Herc did it all the time. So of course Alex had to make that part of it very clear. And then Thomas had to chime in and... ugh. It wasn't long before Alex reluctantly pulled off of John.

The night was a success in Alex's opinion.

Step six: Sleep  
Step six was slow for him. He couldn't sleep well most nights. He tossed and turned with every new thought that came to mind. Every night there was an idea that came to mind that he would follow through, whether it be a movie to see, a book to read, a sonnet to write. This one Alex had thought of before, as previously mentioned, but tonight, it had seemed more real than anything.

He was going to come out to Herc.  
Oh, but not only that. Alex never did anything half assed. He was going to tell him all about his massive crush on John Laurens. He was going to do it with confidence. And it would be spectacular.

\------

Come morning, he remembered it was Saturday. He was off the entire day, and Hercules worked from home as a designer. Whether that made Alex relieved or worried was a mystery. Relieved, because they would both definitely be free all day. Worried, because he couldn't stall for seven hours. The confidence he had the night before was quickly fading.

You can do this.

He entered the main area slowly. He couldn't very well just run in and scream it, could he? No, that's ridiculous. And Hercules might accidentally stab himself with a sewing needle from the sudden noise

"Hey Herc?" He asked hesitantly. No going back from this now.  
"Yes?" Mulligan didn't even look up from his work.  
"Can we," he paused, thinking of what to say. "Can we talk? It's important."  
That got Hercules's attention. He always put his friends first. He took off his glasses and patted the couch cushion next to him. "Sure, what's up?"  
He walked over. His legs were shaking with the anxiety. Why, _why _was he so nervous? It was Herc. He would love him no matter what. Proud ally, during college he would actually accompany Lafayette to LGBT club meetings.__  
Deep breath. "I'm bi." He looked at Hercules's face, searching for an expression of confusion, anything. But he just smiled.  
"Alex, thank you for telling me, but I have to ask, why didn't you tell any of us before?"  
"Um, well that leads us to part two of this talk. I have it very bad for John Laurens. Him and his goddamn freckles that make me want to scream about how gorgeous they are, his eyes like shine like emerald green, his black curls, him, his kindness. And well, I guess I never told anyone because I was afraid that if I did it would be so easy to figure out that I am pretty much in love with my best-friend, and I'm telling you now right? And I don't plan on telling anyone else. I would tell Jefferson and Madison, but I feel like Jefferson would end up giving me shit about it if I ever tried to cuddle or hug John, and Madison is well, Madison. He would probably end up vague tweeting about his immigrant friend coming out as bisexual, and I can't have that. And-"  
"Alex, you're rambling again. I get that. Why not tell Lafayette though? You know they wouldn't make fun of you."  
"Herc, you know I love Laf. But you also must know that Lafayette cannot keep a secret for the life of them. They might accidentally slip up and tell John, which I won't be able to stop because they live together, and then what if John becomes super distant and I won't know why."  
"Okay. But you can't keep it bottled up forever. How long have you liked John?"  
Alex snorted a bit at that. "Is since before we even met an acceptable answer?"  
Hercules looks taken aback. "You've been keeping this a secret for three years?"  
"...That's completely possible."  
Now, he wasn't sure what reaction he was expecting from saying that was, but Mulligan falling over laughing was definitely not it. "What? Why are you laughing?"  
"Because I can't believe what a shitty friend I am for not realizing this sooner! But Alex, honey, I think Laf might know something if that's the case."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Don't you remember what they said last night?"  
_I've been thinking about it since they said it. _"Well yeah, but that was just because I flirt with everyone, including John, so they figured why not say that, right?"__  
"Maybe. Anyway, is there anything else you needed to talk about?"  
"No."  
"Okay then. Just know I'm here if you need me. But I think you should at least eventually tell someone about this."  
"One day. I'm gonna go get some coffee, want me to bring back anything?"  
"Ooh! Can you get me some banana bread? The kind with the chocolate chips, not the walnuts that disgrace life as we know it. And also a strawberry smoothie."  
Rolling his eyes, Alex makes his way out of the door with a nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hi again. Real quick I just wanted to thank anyone that read this or read the last chapter, I really appreciate it. That's what got me to sit down and write another chapter. Also this on is over twice as long as the last one. Wow. ~Mwah.


	3. But I'm Working on Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the "give John a hug" chapter... Also the author likes to make John feel bad chapter.... Sorry? Also, we dive a little bit more into Eliza and Alex, how that all went down. Kitty Livingston is also in this chapter. Sorry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! So this one's in John's POV, simply because I feel like the first chapter didn't do him justice. While writing this I got very annoyed because the "x" key on my laptop gets stuck sometimes, so I can't type "Alex" fast or it doesn't work and ugh. Any who, hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading!

[Me] Showtime tonight?

[Horse Fucker] Hell yes.

[Lancelot] Oui, always up for a drink

[Lion] Yes, I could most definitely use one today. We goin’ to Yorktown then?

[Me] Where else would we go?

[Lion] Touché

[Francophile] Sorry, busy

[Maddy] Sorry, busy

[Lancelot] Spare us the details of what you both mean by busy sil vous plait?

[Me] Madison’s gon be gettin’ some tonight!

[Smiles] Don’t be gross Laurens, Lafayette.

[Lion] AARON BURR, SIR!

[Smiles] Damn it Hamilton, not now.

[Lion] Then when? What if this were to be the last time you made contact with me? What if you had said such words to me, those being your last? At the very least join us for a drink.

[Me] Yeah, Burr. The least you could do, you’ve seemed rather, occupied lately.

[Smiles] …… Will it shut you two up?

[Lancelot] Nothing would make either of them happier.

 

Too bad for John, none of his friends could know that there was something, someone, that would make him ten times happier than Aaron Burr joining them for a drink.

  
  


\-----

  
  


When they got there it was, well, busy was an understatement. Saturday night was always chaos, what did they expect? 

Lafayette got to work the second they saw the free first shot tray come around, that being the main reason the group always went there. 

Order of lightweight’s in the Hamilsquad (least drunk to tipsy in the presence of drinks):

1- Mulligan 

2- Aaron

3- Lafayette

4- John

5- Alex

 

John’s mental list he created the second time they came to this bar was handy, because he knew exactly how many shots it would take for each of his friends to be drunk.

 

For Alex, it was one.

 

It was always one with Alex, one shot to do this, one life, one legacy. The only thing John had seen Alex not keep at as one was having  _ one _ girlfriend, and well, Laurens didn’t like to dwell on that one. Alex had a hard time saying no to people sometimes, always wanting to help those that appeared helpless. Until that was himself and he decided to write an essay about cheating on Eliza. He could still recall the heartbreak he felt when he first heard Alexander say “Life’s gonna be fine, cuz Eliza’s in it.”, and the absolutely guilty relief he felt when they broke up. He knew that Hamilton had learned from that mistake and would never make it again. Not after Angelica came after him…..

 

Yes, now Alex was drunk. Not horribly so, but bad enough that they had to find a booth so he didn’t fall over. Laf and Mulligan on one side, Aaron, Hamilton, and John on the other. John couldn’t help the blush in his ears that formed from the fact that he was pressed up against Alex. That was also the moment that he decided to look up, and Hercules was smirking at Alexander who shot him a death glare in return. That exchange confused the shit out of John, and just as he was about to ask, their drinks of choice were delivered to the table.

 

Laf and Mulligan had another round of shots, Aaron had a whiskey, John had his usual, Sam Adams, and Alex had vodka. Yes, straight vodka. Alex was always up for a challenge, but his face had still twinged into discomfort for a second, which John found mildly endearing.

 

The nights they would all spend together followed that pattern, drinks, talk, flirt with the bartenders, repeat. John was on his second round when they all separated, everyone  too drunk to remember  the fact that they had come there as a group.

 

John ended up talking to another man, John Adams was it? Yeah, he seemed like a pretty cool dude. They talked about anything, roommates, what life after college was like, politics. Politics, yes, Laurens was glad Hamilton wasn’t around for that conversation. Nothing personal, especially not coming from John, but he earned his title as the “petite lion” for a reason, tiny, but fierce. And Alexander got very into discussing politics, debating you whether or not you were agreeing with him. John got so focused on other John, he forgot about Alex, until he looked up and saw the man making out with a girl all the way in the corner as his other three friends sat nearby. 

 

If that didn’t shatter his heart into a million pieces he didn’t know what could do the job. As he got a better look, he realized he knew her from somewhere… Kitty. Kitty Livingston, of course! She was in his pre-law course that his father had forced him to take for the half semester he did before dropping it. Small world.

 

He quickly excused himself from Adams, and made his way over there, downing the rest of his second pint, calming himself with every step.

 

When he finally reached the others he yelled, “LOOKS LIKE THE TOMCAT’S AT IT AGAIN.” This earned a series of cheers from the three drunken weirdos, and John himself managed to plaster a smile onto his face as he battled the hurt gathering quickly in his heart.

 

So he chatted freely with those he knew that weren’t, erm, occupied. And that worked out pretty well until he noticed Alexander and Kitty leaving the bar. Together. And getting into a taxi. Together. And ripping John’s heart in two. Together.

 

“Looks like you’re gonna be left without a roommate tonight, Mulligan.” He forced a smile through those words. He’s been doing that his whole life now, nothing new.

 

“What do you mean? Where’s Alexan- oh. I just… nevermind.” That was odd. Mulligan was always so sure of his words. Come to think of it, he had been acting strange all night. Just as John was about to ask, Lafayette beat him to it.

 

“Hercules, mon ami, what is it? You can tell us.”

 

“Nothing’s wrong. I just thought that Alex liked someone else, and I’m just a little surprised he would hook up with someone he barely know.” He’s lying, or at least not telling the full truth. John can tell.

 

As the moment dragged on, John slowly started to notice his heart breaking more. He was working on his third pint though, and it would be a waste to throw away but… No. He needed to get out of there, soon. As he tried to conjure up a way to leave without causing suspicion, Lafayette’s accent (which got thicker the more drunk they got), began echoing in his ear again, pulling him back into reality.

 

“What was that?”

 

“I said, would you and Aaron mind mind if I chatted with Hercules here for a moment alone please?”  _ Thank god. _

 

“Yeah, that’s fine, I was planning on heading home soon anyway. I’m gonna need to sleep this off soon.”

 

“Me too,” Aaron chimes in. Good, he won’t be the only one who has to leave early. “Herc, if Alex isn’t home by noon call him, would ya?” With that, Aaron puts a couple of twenty dollar bills on the table, and is out the door.

 

John soon follows, deciding to walk instead of taking a cab. He doesn’t live that far away anyway, and the cold might just take his mind off of Alexander, if only for the next ten minutes.

 

It doesn’t work. John can’t get it out of his head. The image of the eager look on Alex’s face as he rushes outside with her. The way he held her hips, her running those perfectly manicured fingers through his hair. Everyone knew Alexander was a flirt, but normally one-night stands weren’t his style. What made her so god damned special? John started to get angry, masking the pain until it was barely visible. The second he got inside, he dropped his coat and went straight to the fridge and pulled out a six pack. The first one was gone in a flash. Guess that makes up for the Sam Adams he couldn’t finish. It was then he realized, he wouldn’t win with Alex, not ever. For three pressing reasons.

 

**Number one.** Those words were like a chorus of other voices in his head, listing the fundamental truths. John lived in a world where gay marriage was legal, this was true. But that didn’t mean he could tell his friends about being the gayest man to walk the earth. No, he had to keep it inside. Alex probably wouldn’t want to touch him again, worried that John would try to do something. And news would most definitely reach his father, no doubt in his mind. And he was the oldest child, he had responsibilities. Nothing like this could get into news articles, hell, if someone so much as mentioned it on Twitter his family would disown him.

 

John started cracking open his third bottle.

 

Number two. While Alex was known for being the whore of the friend group, he would only want to date someone rich like John. Elevate his status sign, give him the money he needs to succeed. But since his father would never approve of John having a boyfriend, that money wouldn’t be Alex’s. John knows that he would need to be naïve to set that aside. Maybe that is why he lets Hamilton shatter his heart repeatedly. _ Yeah, nice going John. _

 

Number three. He knows his best friend like he knows his own mind. There  _ are _ things more important to him than sex, he knows that for a fact. Maybe he would, or could, accept John. But, the fact of the matter is that John isn’t willing to stop communication with his family, because his father would cut him off from contacting even his siblings, just so he could tell someone about being gay and having a silly school boy crush on the man he got to call his best friend.

 

Had he been more sober, he may have realized that all of those reasons included his father one way or the other.

 

But even as he tries to fall asleep, after finishing the third drink, he can’t get Alex’s eyes out of his head. The game that you play when you meet Hamilton is one that one can’t win, or even lose, easily. At least someone else could have a chance with him. At least he can still see those eyes in his life.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was fun. So yeah, I didn't intend for this to become a drunk John Laurens Satisfied, but that's exactly what happened. It just felt right. Anyway, thanks for reading, comments, kudos, all what keep me going. ~Mwah


	4. Match Wits With Someone At Your Level

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter from Alex's perspective and the morning after. Just thought you should see what really went down....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! So yes the beginning is going to be the end of the last chapter (from the moment Alex leaves) and then it's going to continue into the morning/day after. Tbh I hit some writer's block with this. I had no clue what I wanted to do with this. If I should do another chapter from John's perspective, a short chapter with the conversation between Laf and Herc, or Alex regretting his life's decisions. This one just sounded the best, so as always I hope you enjoy!

~~Alex wasn’t sure what he was doing~~. Scratch that, he knew  _ exactly  _ what he was doing, he just didn’t know why he was doing it. By the time he registered this fact, he was already in the back of a cab, and the streetlights gave visibility to the hickeys swelling up on the neck of the girl in his lap.

 

_ Oh, hey. There’s a girl in my lap. _

 

That might be a problem. He still wasn’t saying no.

 

The vehicle came to a stop, and Alex threw the driver a fifty. Probably a lot more than what was needed, but he wasn’t exactly in the right state to look for the right amount. The pair climbs out, and the girl, who Alexander hasn’t even caught the name of, runs up to the next floor of whatever apartment building they were at. She fumbles with the keys and grabs him by the collar to pull him in the second the door opens. She pushes him towards the bed, straddles his lap. Just as she was about to kiss him again, he puts three fingers over her mouth. She pulls back a bit, face blank.

 

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this.”  Her expression changes from one of confusion, to one of frustration, to one of worry in about one second.

 

“Oh god, you have a girlfriend, don’t you?” Well, looks like they’re both sober enough to have a coherent thought.

 

“No! No, god no. It’s just that…. I  _ am _ interested in someone though. And, I’m not sure, I guess it just doesn’t feel right to have a one night stand, and I’m not even sure why I’m telling you this, I just can’t stop talking, but I don’t even know your name, and-”

 

“Kitty,”

 

“What?”  _ Is she talking about cats right now? What the hell? _

 

“My name. Kitty Livingston.”  _ Oh. _

 

“Oh. Alexander Hamilton.” 

 

She smiles. “Well, Alexander Hamilton, you’re welcome to stay the night, even if we don’t do anything.”

 

That was a relief if Alex had any room for one at the moment. As much as he’d love to go back home and lay under the sheets and pretend that the night hadn’t happened when Hercules asked, he knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. “Thanks, that would be nice.”

 

“Great! Um, I’m afraid I don’t have a guest bedroom, but you can share with me. Only if you want to of course. You can take the couch if you’d be more comfortable with that…” Alexander chuckled lightly.

 

“We can share, it’s no big deal.”

 

“Okay! I’ll just go get a second pillow, stay here.” 

 

While she was gone, he stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers. A few moments after he got under the covers, Kitty came back in and tossed him his pillow. And when he normally would be up for hours, he let himself peacefully drift off to sleep.

 

\----

 

The first thing he registered when he woke up was the massive headache. How much did he have to drink last night? It couldn’t have been much, he remembers having a slightly normal conversation with Kitty…

 

That was the second thing that he registered. The bed he was in wasn’t his. He sat up, and patted around for his phone. He eventually retrieved it from the back pocket of his jeans. **7 Unread Messages.** Not only that, but it was almost twelve thirty. Well, shit.

 

Yesterday at 11:40 pm

[Spyontheinside] Where did you go?

[Spyontheinside] r u going to need me to pick you up in the morning?

[Spyontheinside] I assume ur busy right now but text me in the morning

Today at 9:13 am

[Spyontheinside] Okay either you’re dead or your body somehow let you sleep passed 7.

[Spyontheinside] I’ll leave you to it, I suppose. Some sleep will do you good.

Today at 12:01 pm

[Spyontheinside] Okay, Burr told me to text you if you weren’t home by noon

[Spyontheinside] Well, he said to call, but the point is that I’ll call him if you don’t answer me by one.

[Me] Sorry, I just woke up. Phone almost dead, see you at home, whenever I decide to come back.

 

He stands up and tugs back on his jeans. That’s when a third thing registers. He smells food.

 

He walks out of the bedroom and into the main area which is connected to a kitchen. In the kitchen stands Kitty, making some pancakes and bacon. “Is that also for me, or just yourself?”

 

She jumps around to face him, with a shocked look on her face. That look quickly turns to a smile. “For you also. I’m not rude. Speaking of which,” she walks over to him and places two advil and a paper cup filled with water in his hands. “You’re gonna need these, I would think.”

 

“ _ Very. _ Thank you.”

 

“No problem. Go ahead and take a seat, this is almost ready.” 

 

He sits in a stool right behind the sink where there’s an area cut out of the wall to create a bar, but one that feels a lot cosier. She places a plate in front of him, and she remains standing in the kitchen to eat her food. The meal passes in relative silence.

 

“Last night you said you were interested in someone.” She’s begun to wash off her plate.

 

“Yep.” She reaches across the sink and takes Alex’s.

 

“And I’m not sure about this, but is your crush John Laurens?” How the fu-

 

“How’d you know?” He almost exclaimed, she had only known him for maybe five minutes before they were sucking each other’s faces off, and he most certainly hadn’t mentioned John before their very short conversation last night. Even then he didn’t use names.

 

She smirked. “I saw your heart-eyes when you looked at him, before we started talking. He sat next to me in Pre-Law for half of a semester. If it’s any consolation, I’m pretty sure he’s gay. So you might have a shot.”

 

“I’m positive he’s not gay. He thought he got a girl knocked up one time.” She moved from around the counter to take a seat next to him and shrugged.

 

“Never said he was gold star. Just said he most definitely wasn’t straight. And even if he is, you should tell him.”

 

“But he’s my best friend,” sadness overcame his words, the confident voice he always used lost, so the next phrase came in a choked whisper. “I can’t lose him.”

 

“Hey, hey hey. It’s okay,” He let out a sob when she started rubbing his back. “If he really deserves to be your friend, he won’t make fun of you. Have you told him you’re, at least I’m assuming, bi?”

 

“No,”

 

“Then I would imagine starting there would be the best place to start. And while you’re at it, you should most likely tell all of your other friends in the process.”

 

“You’re probably right, I just,” he sniffed and started wringing his hands in his lap, “I feel like it would be obvious that I liked John. I’ve told one of my friends, my roommate.” She hums in acknowledgement, but doesn’t say anything, so he continues. “He pretty much said the same thing you did. I’m just scared, even though I have no reason to be.”

 

She places one hand over his, and he stops fidgeting and looks up to meet her eyes. “You have nothing to worry about.” And she says it with such certainty, that he believes her.

 

\----

 

They continue to make small talk after that, until it’s nearly a quarter till two. She walks him over to the door. “Um, goodbye I guess.” He looks up at her and smiles at her shyness. But he doesn’t want this to be goodbye.

 

“I hate goodbyes. If I could have your number, I would like to be friends.” Her eyes light up, and she grabs her phone. 

 

“That sounds lovely.” He laughs and puts in his number, and gets a text in his phone, which was on 10% battery.

 

[Unknown Number] This is Kitty.

[Me] Cool.

 

“Alright, well I guess I’ll talk to you soon Kitty.”

 

“Yeah. Do you need a ride home? You don’t need to pay for another taxi to drive you.”

 

“No, I’ll just walk. I don’t live too far from here.”

 

“Okay, be safe.”

 

“Take care.” With that, he made his way back down the metal stairs, and back home.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh ho, the angst. I honestly didn't expect Kitty to become such a big part of this, but I think I'm going to keep her around as the friend role, you know, the one Eliza is supposed to play in these fics? Well, on a seperate note, I've got news for ya'll. I've recruited new trash. Yes, I have official turned my best friend into Hamiltrash. We got back from a party Friday, and since I was sleeping over we got to hang out for like ever. So I played A Winters Ball and Helpless. She started humming Helpless in the middle of watching Buzzfeed, and I knew that something had changed. Yesterday I got a text from her saying she had listened to the entire cast album. Fun times. Also! This has gotten a lot of attention lately, so thanks to everyone who has been reading, anyone who has left kudos, comments, bookmarked it. That's honestly like pretty great. I mean, almost 600 hits! Over halfway to 1000! Sorry, rambling, getting sappy, I won't keep you any longer. ~Mwah


	5. Gotta be In Monticello

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set up for next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took way to long to finish. I know this. Think of the fact that I actually wrote it though as my one day late Valentine's Day gift to you. The thing is, I got my heart broken last week (right before v-day, go figure), so I wasn't in the mood to write my children being happy or fluffy. So I started a depressing one-shot instead. When that's going to be finished, I have no clue. Anyway, like said in the chapter summary, this is just set up for next chapter.

The next day (Monday) was too long for one John Laurens. It wasn’t even noon. He hadn’t spoken to any of his friends besides Lafayette since that Saturday night. He sat behind his desk (he worked as a secretary for a veterinary clinic), tapping his fingers on his leg when his phone buzzed from his pocket.

 

[Francophile] Huge announcement for ya’ll, meet up 2nite @ mine?

[Lancelot] I don’t see why not. U kno I love news

[Me] Sure what time? 

[Francophile] Idk, 6

[Horse Fucker] Yep, thats good

[Me] Same.

[Lion] Yeah, I’ve got something to tell you guys too.

[Smiles] Sounds good.

 

John tried not to stress about what news Alex might be talking about. What if he was going out with Kitty now? What if John has to sit back and watch them be adorable and give each other eskimo kisses? He had struggled enough to do that with Eliza, he couldn’t do it again.

 

His thoughts were interrupted by the ding of the bell on the door. Inner conflicts would just have to wait.

 

\----

 

The rest of the day passed painfully slow, but it was eventually time to head home. It was only five. He had an hour to do whatever he wanted.

 

But not _ whatever _ he wanted, because when he got back Laf was waiting for him. They kept a serious expression as they gestured to the seat in front of them 

 

“Sit down John.” He kept silent, extremely confused as he put down his bag and sat very slowly down. “Is there anything you’re not telling me, or our friends?” 

 

He said the first thing that came to mind as an appropriate response. “By that you mean you already think the answer is yes, and you’re just seeing if I’m going to tell you, which if I was hiding something, I would not.” Maybe not the smoothest, but this way he didn’t confess to something they had no evidence to back up.

 

“Okay, that sounds fake, but okay. Do you still have that crush on Alex that you had when we first met him?”

 

“No, that ended once he and I became friends. Can’t make things awkward, you know?”

 

“I suppose. When are you going to tell everyone you’re gay?”

 

“I’m not. And if that’s all you were going to ask, I would like to get to my room now.” 

 

“John, all I’m trying to say is that you can tell me or the squad anything. No matter how you think we- or any external parties- may react.”

 

“I appreciate it Laf. But I would tell you guys, don’t worry about it.”

 

They smile. It doesn’t reach their eyes.

 

\----

 

John spends the next half hour drawing turtles and Alexander from memory, until Lafayette is growing impatient to leave. It made sense, since they were about twenty minutes away from the huge house Thomas had decided to name Monticello. Only Thomas Jefferson would name a god damn house.

 

The drive is pleasant, rolling hills and such. When you get used to seeing beauty, you tend to stop appreciating it. This was normally the case for John, however that day he gazed upon fields and was in awe. It was winter, so the sun was setting, casting an orange glow upon the green. The treeline took the image away. 

 

Going back to a previous statement, the Jefferson and Madison residence was huge. Thomas had inherited a huge amount of money, and splitting rent with an almost equally wealthy Madison only added to how big of a house he could own.

 

Lafayette came to a stop at the gate (yes, a fucking  _ gate _ ), and buzzed.

 

One. Two. “This is Alex on behalf of Tom.”

 

“Alex, cher, buzz us in, will you?”

 

No response, just the gate slowly swinging open. After another thirty, uneventful seconds of driving, the car came to another final stop in the roundabout driveway. They were soon greeted by Alex running out and throwing himself into John’s arms. John chuckled and hugged him back lightly. Alex drew back too quickly and planted a kiss on Lafayette’s cheeks, which spiked an unwanted and unnecessary jolt of jealousy in John.  _ It’s a custom. Keep it the fuck together. _

 

“What took you guys so long?” Alex nearly whined that question, which was absolutely adorable if you ask John.

 

“John wouldn’t stop drawing. Turtles, anime characters, y-”

 

“Yep, I think he gets it Laf,” he said urgently. He looked at his friend and roommate with a pleading look. They raised an eyebrow but said nothing more of it.

 

“Are you guys just gonna stand out there? Or are we gonna hear the “news” Thomas was talking about?” Aaron stood in the doorway with both hands on his hips. If John didn’t know any better, he would have said he looked like an old house wife.

 

Alex jumped around, pumped a fist in the air and yelled, “Let’s go!”

Thomas and James are already cuddling in the living room. “Adorable mother-fuckers,” John hears Alexander mumble from beside him. It wasn’t clear whether he intended for anyone to hear that or not, but John still placed a hand on his shoulder as they went to take a seat.

 

“So Thomas, mon ami, why have you called us here today?”

 

“Well, as you know, Valentine’s Day is coming up-”

 

“Oh no.”

 

“-so I thought why not have a party? Everyone we know is invited! It’s on Friday, usual time.” 

 

Alex piped up. “Can we invite Kitty? She really wants to meet you guys.” John felt like his heart had been kicked. And then thrown. That was probably the news Alex mentioned. He was going out with Kitty. Eskimo kisses and everything.

 

“I don’t see why not.”

 

John might as well get the pain over with now. “So you and Kitty Livingston?” Alexander looked up from his phone, where he was probably texting Kitty about the party.

 

“Oh, no. We’re just friends. I stopped it on Saturday before it got too far.” John had to stop himself from letting out a sigh of relief. 

 

Hercules smiled devilishly. “Oh really? Why is that?”

 

“Why Hercules, you wound me. One night stands aren’t my  _ style _ .” He blushed and continued with, “Besides, who’s to say I don’t like someone else?” And that was officially worse. Definitely. Without a doubt.

 

This time it was Lafayette who snickered, “Share with the class Alex.”

 

“Nah I think I’m good. But, if Thomas and James aren’t going to announce that they’re finally getting married, I think that I’ll go ahead and share my news.” Okay, so back to the curious question. What the hell is going on with Alex?

 

He thinks he hears Alexander take a few deep breaths next to him. “Okay, so I meant to tell this to you guys a long time ago, and I know that there’s sort of no excuse, we’ve known eachother for three years. But hey, I’m telling you now right? And I know that there was no reason to be nervous because holy shit we’re the most accepting group of people I know. But oh god I’m rambling but the point is I’m bi.” 

 

John blinks. Once. Twice. Three times. Then it clicks. And then there’s a celebration going on his head. A massive party, if you will.  _ I have a chance. _ Then he realizes that no one’s said anything yet. He doesn’t want to say anything either. He has no clue what to fucking say. With James and Tom it had been so casual, like one day Thomas was on James’s doorstep in the middle of them all hanging out and then the two spent about three minutes just kissing and hugging. They were disgustingly sweet.

 

And then with Lafayette, they told him right away. “They/them pronouns. I’m non binary.” Those were the first words that he heard from his roommate. 

 

He decided there were no words. He just leaned over and gave his friend an awkward but extremely affectionate side hug. Alexander turned and buried his face in John’s shoulder. He could only imagine what sort of looks they were getting from Laf. More people joined the hug, and then everyone was laughing. 

  
He felt at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that, it was fun to write. BTW I started this last Tuesday. This was supposed to be the party as well, but then this was way too long for it to be short enough. So that's happening next time. Anyway, thank you, thank you THANK YOU for all the comments, kudos, for actually reading this, it's awesome. I honestly expected for a couple people to click on this and then leave. So thanks. Again. ~Mwah.


	6. A Winter's Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and gentlemen! You could have been anywhere in the world tonight, but you're here with me, in Monticello! Now, who's ready, for a V-Day party?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So real quick, a moment of appreciation for the fact that this is the longest chapter so far. And another, for the fact that I rewrote this so many times. And one more, for the fact that I am working on two other fics right now besides this one.

Alex was working on a short story he was writing. He  _ had  _ wanted to just write all day and finish it before the party, but the knocking at his and Hercules’s door obviously had a different plan. With a low grunt, he got up to answer it.

 

“Thomas? What’s up?”

 

He flashed one of his million dollar grins. “Nothing, just wanted to make sure you didn’t work yourself to death before tonight.”

 

“I can guarantee you I won’t. Now, if that’s all you wanted I would very much like to-”

 

“Actually,” he interrupted “I would like to hang out if you don’t mind.”

 

Alexander did mind, a little bit, but who was he to say no?  He sighed and let the taller man into his room. “Where’s Hercules?”

 

“He’s off with Lafayette on a shopping spree. Two little fashion nerds.”

 

Jefferson hummed in acknowledgement. He then turned to Alex’s laptop, saved the document, and hit the power button and set it aside. “Can’t have you working while I’m here.”

 

Alexander rolled his eyes. “Of course. You wanna watch something?”

 

“How ‘bout Cyberbully?” 

 

“So you’re not okay with me overworking myself before your party, but you’re okay with me sobbing my eyes out?”

 

“Yep. Is that an issue?”

 

“Of course not.”

 

“Good.” 

 

Alex pours a large bowl of popcorn while Thomas cues up the movie. They’ve both seen it before, so it doesn’t hit them too hard. 

 

“It sucks that through almost all of college you were called a whore. You screwed up once.” Thomas says out of the blue, about twenty minutes in.

 

“That entire relationship was a screw up. Between me and Eliza, me and Maria. All of it.” It was true, wasn’t it though? He really just used the two as a coping mechanism. He couldn’t have John even if he did end up liking guys. He was too good for Alexander.

 

“What do you mean by that?” Now Thomas looked confused. That was a look that almost never happened, and when it did no one liked it.

 

“I liked Eliza. I really did. She was a nice girl and everything but…” He was struggling with words. 

 

“But?”

 

_ C’mon brain. Be so smart.  _ “But I didn’t like her as much as I liked the person I mentioned on Monday.”

 

“Makes sense.”

 

“What?”

 

Jefferson shrugged. “It makes sense if you didn’t like her.”

 

“But I did.” He really did too.

 

“Okay, so if you did like her, let’s put it this way. You liked her, but it didn’t feel right going out with her because you were head over heels for someone you refuse to name.”

 

“I hate it when you listen to me, pretend to not get whatever I said, and then a few moments later pretend to only just then have gotten it. You do it a lot you know.”

 

“That’s why you love me.”

 

“Hate you.”

 

“Love me.”

 

“Ha-”

 

“LOVE,”

 

Alexander did love Thomas though, in only the most platonic of ways. That’s what bugged him to no end. When Thomas said things like that, he knew they were true, and he said them anyway. A competitive yet very awesome friendship they had.

 

When the movie was over, they went to Alex’s room to get ready (Thomas had a much better fashion sense). That’s when a thought occurred to him.

 

“Hey Thomas? When you said everyone you knew was invited to the party, did that mean the Schuyler sisters as well?” Thomas looked up from where he was digging through Alex’s dresser with a look of confusion on his face.

 

“Yeah, why do you-” his face turns into something just short of horror when he realizes. Alex still had the scar on his cheek from where Angelica had punched him. “I’m sorry I, I didn’t even realize or remember. I can’t believe I did that.” He shook his head as if trying to comprehend his own stupidity. This only made Alex feel bad, as Jefferson was anything but stupid.

 

“Hey, it’s cool. I was just wondering if I should wear a bulletproof vest under my shirt tonight.” Leave it to Alexander Hamilton to make poor attempts at lightening the mood.

 

For some reason, however, Thomas looked relieved, but his tone kept serious when he said, “If you two start arguing, she’ll be the one that gets kicked out, not you. You’re more important than an old flame.” Alexander smiled, but Thomas continued. “However, since I am so incredibly generous I would like to request that you tell me who mystery person is.”

 

“Request denied,” he says flatly.

 

“C’mon. It can’t be so horribly embarrassing that you would be ashamed to-”

 

“I could never be ashamed of him. Never. John is too good for me. He’s kind and generous and god dammit I just realized I told you who it was anyway you manipulative mother fucker.”

 

“It’s a talent.” His eyes widened, however, when it seemed an idea had occurred to him. “I’m going to make it a new requirement that everyone must bring a date.”

 

“Last minute don’t you think? They’ll know something’s up.”

 

“When have I ever been known for making plans ahead of time?”

 

He had a point. “Okay, fine. But won’t people think it’s odd when I don’t ask Kitty, the obvious choice?”

 

“Text her before hand. Tell her the plan, and tell her to ask Aaron when I send out the text. Simple solution to a simple problem.”  _ Not a simple problem. But you’re still damn smart. _

 

“Fine.”

 

Today 4:53 pm

[Me] Hey, Thomas came up with an idea for John to be forced into asking me to the party. He’s going to send out a mass text that says that people have to bring a date, and then he’s going to encourage John to ask me. But, in order for this to work, you need to ask Aaron.

[Kitten] May I remind you I don’t know any of you yet?

[Me] You were in Lee’s class senior year. Burr was the TA. Say something like you though he was cute and you asked me for his number so you could ask him to the party.

[Kitten] You owe me. Big time

[Me] <3

 

“Step one complete.” He says with a sigh. “This is still ridiculous.”

 

“You mean genius.” Thomas starts rapid fire tapping at his phone. Alex’s phone buzzes from where it’s still in his hand.

 

Today 5:15 pm

[Sage of Monticello] Heeey so last minute requirement, you have to bring a date. I refuse to associate with sad single people during a party that’s supposed to be celebrating love.

[JMads] I think we got that covered ;)

[Baguette] I call Herc

[Talkative(not)] Just got a text from Alex’s new kitten, I’m going with her.

[Zero2mahero] That leaves John and Alex as our last couple! Perfect.

[<3] K

[Me] Cool. Aaron, please don’t call her mine in the future

[Talkative(not)] We’ll see about that. Depends on my mood tonight…

 

“See? I didn’t even have to text John,” Thomas says with a bright smile.

 

\----

 

They only had fifteen minutes to get ready after that (“I refuse to be late to a party  _ I _ am throwing!”), but even that was enough time to get Alex looking incredible. He had his hair tied back in a braid, Thomas insisted on put some concealer on him (“Dark circles are going to take away from your beauty.”, and he was in black skinny jeans with a dark purple button down. Thomas’s obsession with the color purple will never cease.

 

Thomas insisted that John be Alex’s ride since they were going together, but he didn’t tell Alexander. Instead, he pulled up on the curb next to John’s apartment, shoved Alex out of the car and sped off, his parting words being “You’ll thank me later!”

 

Alex trudged up the stairs, his legs sore. He was  _ so  _ weak and tiny. He needed to go to the gym. When he knocked the door flew open, and the sight before him was one he wouldn’t forget. He could never be the same. John was standing there. His curls were running loose and wild. He had jeans similar to Alex’s (his ass looked absolutely fantastic), and a green sweater that brought out his eyes.

 

When Hamilton finally gained composure of himself, he tried his best to smile, and said, “Sorry you got saddled into going with me to this. And also sorry for not texting I was coming over here before hand, Thomas just dropped me off.” He let out a laugh, but it sounded way more nervous than intended, and very forced.

 

“Nah, it’s cool. We should get going soon though. But first, have you eaten today? You shouldn’t drink on an empty stomach.”

 

“Tom made some mac n’ cheese for me. Said the same thing you did.”

 

“Good,” was all he said, and polished it with a smile, that award winning smile. 

 

While they were walking through the parking garage, Alex was looking at John. Admiring how he still smiled when there was nothing to smile about. He was a ray of sunshine, and the light he gave off had lit up Alex’s dark world from the moment they met. He felt safe around John, like his inner hurricanes couldn’t hurt him any more. No one else made him feel like that before, and that’s when he realized how he was deeply in love with John Laurens. That’s when he realized how incredibly screwed he was.

 

As he continued to steal indiscreet glances that John somehow didn’t seem to notice, he couldn’t help but blurt out, “You look incredible!” Cue the internal face palms. 

 

John turned to look at him, stunned while a blush crept through his ears all the way across his face. “Thanks, um, you look awesome too.”

 

“Thomas can work a miracle.” Okay, smoother than what he had said before. A lot. Turning everything casual. Crisis averted.

 

“Yep,”

 

They drove in silence. When they arrived, he hooked arms with John.

 

“Shall we?” John rolled his eyes.

 

“Of course, my dear.”

 

When they step inside, Lafayette is standing there holding a camera and snaps at least ten pictures of John and Alex blinking while trying to shield themselves from the light.

 

“There are a lot of people here Thomas. Are you sure you know all of them?” John sounded surprised.

 

“Ah, yes, by all the people we know I meant a shit ton of people.” Thomas finishes his sentence with a proud smile.

 

When the Schuyler sisters finally get there, no one is surprised when Angelica bring John Church, the two had been flirting for months even when the sisters were a common in the guys’s lives. Peggy showed up with with this girl, Sally. 

 

But the real surprise was who Eliza showed up with.  _ Maria Reynolds? _ Alex could see the shock on everyone else’s faces too. Maria winked at Alex when they made eye contact. He felt like he was going to be sick.

 

He knew what Eliza was trying to do. He wasn’t stupid.

 

John bent down and whispered something in his ear, but he couldn’t hear it. He was too occupied by the pounding in his head. He pulled John off to the side to get a drink.

 

“I can’t believe she brought her. What the hell?” Alex was done with the Schuyler sister’s shit already.

 

“Well, what if they actually like each other?” Alexander just glares straight ahead in response. He regrets it, he only ever wants to be charming for John.

 

A slow song plays on the stereo, and James’s low voice goes through the room, “This is for all you  _ love _ birds out there.”

 

Alex isn’t going to throw away his shot. He steps in front of John.

 

“Dance with me, my dearest Laurens?” He holds out a hand. John stares at him for a moment, then smiles and takes it.

 

“Why of course, mon cher. That’s how you say it, right?” Alex could listen to John speak French all damn day. It was like ear candy. 

 

They step onto the dance floor. Everything from that moment was about John. Making sure he doesn’t step on John’s feet, making sure he doesn’t stop dancing so he can look at his eyes (he still looked at them though). Everything was perfection.

 

They danced for god knows how long, John’s hands on Alex’s waist, Alexander’s arms around his neck. 

 

“Hey Alex?” John’s voice cut through their bubble.

 

“Yes, John?” John blushed, then swooped down and captured Alex’s lips in his own.

 

However, in Alexander’s state of shock of the fact that  _ holy shit John Laurens is kissing me, _ he forgot to kiss back.

 

Only what seemed like a second later, John pulled back. 

 

“I’m sorry. I should go.” He looked hurt. He didn’t ever want John’s face to look like that again.

 

“Wait, John-”

 

Before he could say anything, Laurens was making his way through the crowd. Alex couldn’t catch up.

  
He was left standing there, helpless as his love ran away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes indeed.  
> ~Mwah


	7. Palaces Out of Paragraphs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long to write. I'm sorry. I kind of left you on a cliffhanger. I'm sorry for that as well. I tried to make up for it?   
> Also! 1000 hits. Holy fuck. You GUYZ! Sorry, this is just kind of huge for me.   
> Oh, and I can't figure out how to put different fonts in? 'Cause this had a font that totally got cancelled out when I put it in. Which made me sad.  
> Rated R for referenced/implied smut.
> 
> And as always, thanka for reading!

John needed to get out of there. Fast.

  


He thought he heard his name being shouted to him from the distance, but most likely not. Alex probably never wanted to talk to him again.

  


Truth be told, he didn’t know where he was going. Truth be told, he didn’t really care. Anywhere was better than Monticello.

  


He still couldn’t believe he had done that. He was an idiot. He meant to ask if Alexander wanted another drink. But he looked  _ so  _ beautiful.

  


He ultimately decided to just head home, and when he got there he just sat on his bed and cried for a while. He couldn’t believe what he had done. It was his official job to fuck things up. He picked up his phone and saw a ton of unread messages from his friends. He responded to them by contact.

  


Today 10:44 pm

[Lancelot] John?

[Lancelot] Are you okay? You kind of just ran out. What happened?

Today 11:23 pm

[Lancelot] John at least tell me you got somewhere okay.

[Me] I’m fine Laf. I’m home.

[Lancelot] Why’d you leave so quickly

[Me] Can we talk about it whenever you get home

[Lancelot] So like, you took our car, and Herc’s only fits two, ima spend the nite here

[Me] k

  


Today 10:51 pm

[Horse Fucker] Yo dude where’d u go? 

[Horse Fucker] Alex and Laf r flippin out

Today 11:29 pm

[Me] I’m good, went home is all.

  


Today 10:42 pm

[Lion] Um we should talk I think…

Today 10:45 pm

[Lion] John I’m worried please answer me

[Lion] Please.

  


John didn’t know how to respond to that one. So he left it, and drifted off to sleep.

  


\---- 

  


He woke up to insistent knocking. It bothered him that he had to wake up, but he counted his blessings because he didn’t drink enough the other night to be hungover.

  


The knocking continued, and John became more agitated, but he didn’t want to get up.

  


“John! I know you’re in there.” Alex. The last person John had felt like chatting with. Still, he got up and answered the door.

  


“Hey, what’s goin’ on?” John tried his hardest to work around the elephant in the room. Instead of a response, Alexander just dragged him back into John’s room and pulled them both onto the bed. He shoved an envelope into his hands.

  


“Read it.”

  


He opened the letter with shaking hands. His breath stopped short as he read the first sentence.

  


_ Cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, I wish, Dearest Laurens, it might be in my power in actions rather than words to convince you that I love you. It was not until the other night that I dared to entertain the thought that you may reciprocate my feelings for even a moment. I ask myself if you acted on impulse, on a whim.  _

_ You should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent. But as you have done it and we are generally indulgent to those we love, I will pardon the theft of my heart that you have committed. As I have every intention to deliver this letter, I may as well confess to the full extent of my emotion.  _

_ Before you, I did not believe in love at first sight. Ever since the first day I saw you from across the beautiful garden in back of campus, I haven’t been the same. As if the world had cleared from around me, my eyes could only rest on you until we broke apart.  _

_ When I met the man behind the beauty, I knew that you were the only one for me, even if it brought me pain in the future. _

_ My heart is full of song, full of love, full of you. The only person to have rendered me speechless, and even now I struggle with the words to express the passion I feel for you. _

_ Everyday I have yearned for your touch, your warmth, and what I received last night gave me a glimpse into a world of happiness I have wanted for what seems like an eternity. I can only imagine what lies ahead, my love, but know that even if these feeling are unrequited, I’ll make it my job, my only dying wish, to make the world safe and sound for you. I’ll bleed and fight for you, I’ll make everything right. The world will be yours, as will I. _

_ Yrs. Forever, _

_ Alexander Hamilton _   


  


John feels tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. 

  


“Please tell me those are happy tears?”

  


More than happy. So much  _ more. _ “Definitely. Happy tears.” Deep breath. “Alexander Hamilton, from the moment I saw you I have been in love with you. Yes, I do. Finally being able to say it, god  _ Alex. _ ”

  


Alexander smiled at him, then leaped into his lap to wrap his arms around John’s neck and bury his head into his shoulder. If Alex didn’t classify as adorable in that moment, John didn’t know what did.

  


Alex pulls back very suddenly, with a still wild but serious look in his eye. “What about your dad, I mean I know that he’s really homophobic…”

  


“Fuck my dad,” John says in a deadpanned voice.

  


“Please don’t. That really not a healthy way to go about the situation.”

  


He hums in agreement. “I suppose you’re right. I guess I’d rather be kissing you right now if I’m being honest…”

  


Alex looked up at him, wide eyed before pressing their lips together. This one was nothing like the last. It was sweet and tender. And John didn’t know what to do with himself. Combine the kiss with a lap full of Alexander Hamilton, and you have a new issue entirely.

  


They kiss for a couple of minutes, until Alex shifts and rubs right against John’s little problem. Alex pulls back, and his eyes flick between John’s own and the space between them, before slowly pushing John back onto the bed, straddling him and leaning down to capture his lips in a not as innocent kiss. 

  


When they break apart and Alex starts planting kisses down John’s jaw, he’s absolutely helpless. Eventually Alex’s hands make their way to the waistband of John’s pants.

  


John quickly says, “Wait, um, are you sure you want to do this? Don’t feel like you have to, I mean I’m game but…”

  


Alexander looks up at him with warmth and affection. “I’m sure.”

  


\----

  


An hour later, the two are still in bed, silent as they embrace. And as much as John hates to break the spell, he has one question left unanswered.

  


“Does this mean we’re a ‘thing’, as the kids would say?”

  


Alex shifts slightly so he can look up at John. “‘As the kids say’? C’mon John, we’re not  _ that  _ old yet.  And to answer your question, boyfriends, soulmates, whatever sounds best to you.”

  


“I find both of those extremely appealing, but we should perhaps say boyfriends when telling our friends.”

  


Alex doesn’t say anything, just nods his head before standing up.

  


“Where ya goin’ baby girl?” Alex whips his head around as he turns only the loveliest shade of red.

  


“Um, I- I just figured we should eat something before Laf gets back. We could go out for breakfast too if you want.” He fidgets around in the doorway.

  


“Breakfast sounds great.” John smiles, and plants one last small kiss on Alex before going to his closet.

  


\----

  


Today 11:58 am

[Me] Yo when u gon b back?

[Lancelot] I’m just gettin ready to go. y?

[Me] youll see when ur home ;)

[Me] bring herc w/ u. and thomas. u know what, bring everyone.

[Lancelot] An uber only fits so many

[Lancelot] But, for you it will be considered done

  


\----

  


“So is there a reason we’re here, or do you just like to fuck with us?” Aaron says in fake irritation (because what about Aaron isn’t fake?). 

  


“Oh there’s a reason.” Alex smirks and rests his head on John’s shoulder after he protectively wraps an arm around Alex’s waist.

  


Their friends look between them for a few seconds, as if deciding if it’s true. Kitty is the first one who screams and runs over to throw her arms around them.

  


“Finally, finally,  _ finally. _ God, last night while you two were dancing it was like nothing else mattered to you two, you were so caught up in each other. I’m surprised you two didn’t kiss, if I’m being honest...”

  


John cocks his head to the side. “I did kiss him though.” A chorus of ‘You what?!’ and a stray and soft ‘oh’ from a voice John can’t place runs through the room, which further confuses him. “Are you saying that  _ none _ of you saw?” 

  


Thomas raises a hand. “I did. Angie started shit after you left, and thank god I was there to break it up. I think Alex was still in shock, otherwise he would’ve fought her right back.”

  


Time to evilly disgust their friends. He nibbled Alexander’s ear before whispering, “Baby girl, did you enjoy it that much? So much that you went into shock, still  _ recovering? _ ”

  


Recognition and mischief floods through the other man’s eyes. “Indeed,  _ papa _ .”

  


“ _ Non _ ,” Lafayette says with horror. “If this happens, no kinky sex pet names around us.”

  


“Your loss then.”

  


“Wait,” James says from his place still seated on the couch. “All of you seem like you knew about this. Did I miss something?”

  


Everyone giggles at James’s confused face. Thomas is the one who finally says something. “Yes, babe. You very much missed a lot.”

  


\----

  


A faint knock flows through John’s room late that night.

  


“Come on in.” Lafayette opens the door, a fallen expression on their face. “Oh hey Laf. Wasup?”

  


“Nothing much, just checking on you.” 

  


John raises an eyebrow for a second before thinking better. “Hey, you alright? You look down.”

  


They quickly shuffle over and sit down next to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  


“Tell you what?”

  


They finally look up from the spot on the floor that their eyes had been glued to. “About Alex. When I asked you said…”

  


_ Oh shit. _ “Laf I-”

  


They blink once or twice. Their voice cracks over the next couple of words. “No, it’s okay if you don’t trust me. It’s dumb to think that you would tell me everything.”

  


John feels like shit, but he’s also thoroughly confused on what all the fuss is about. “I trust you, please believe me when I say that. I just… I actually have no excuse. Just believe that I trust you.”

  


“Like I believed you when you said nothing was going on. Sure.”

  


John just didn’t get it. Lafayette was acting like John had cheated on them or something? It didn’t make sense. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this? I know I should’ve given some warning but you should be happy for me!” He shrinks back after he’s done talking. He shouldn’t have raised his voice at all. John doesn’t raise his voice.

  


They also are visibly caught off guard. “Forget I asked then. Little you know and little you see.”

  


With that, they stalk out of his room, leaving John thoroughly confused on what had just happened.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, you're initial reaction may be, "Lauren, where the hell are you going with the Laf thing?" Shhh, I'm gettin' there. Don't worry I have it planned out.  
> Also, I know I'm not great at writing consent scenes. It just didn't feel right for there not to be one.  
> Another thing worth mentioning, I'm going to skip the rest of the month of Febuary, just to move along the story and to catch it up to current stuff.  
> But, in honor of this being chapter seven (emphasis on the word seven)...  
> Confession time- I've kind of sorta had a tumblr this whole time. It's keekee1066world (keekee1066 was taken, sue me). WARNING- Don't go down too much if you look at it, it's filled with LDShadowlady and Phan trash for a while.


	8. I Know I Don't Deserve You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squaaaaad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *nervously coughs* Hi. So this took an unacceptable amount of time to update. I literally have no excuse this time, I'm so sorry though. But- One thing to note. The archive warning has been lifted!In my plans as of now, it looks like no one's going to die, it'll be worse. I'm keeping it as a "Chose Not To" for the fact that I don't even trust myself at this point. But I think I know what's happening now.  
> Anyway- Sorry for the massive time jump, especially after last chapter's ending, but I needed to move this along. So let's assume that any time John tried to bring it up Laf was just like "Nope." and John forgot about it.  
> So no warnings this time, it's pretty calm today.

Today 4:59 pm

[Sage of Monticello] Guyz, I need your help.

 

[Me] You’re finally proposing to James

 

[Sage of Monticello] No, why would I talk about proposing to him in a group chat he’s in?

 

[Me] It would add to the surprise factor

 

[Burr Sir] Oh my god Alex do you ship them that much?

 

[Me] Like FedEx

 

[Burr Sir] Do you have a ship name?

 

[Me] Jeffermads

 

[JMads] …

 

[Sage of Monticello] That’s not a bad name pairing actually

 

[Kitten] You know, we should come up with a name for Alex and John

 

[My John <3] I can’t think of any good ones

 

[Baguette] Why are we coming up with friend group ship names?

 

[Zero2mahhero] We will meet for lunch tomorrow to do so

 

[Me] Oh, btw Burr I changed your name in my phone

 

[Burr Sir] THANK GOD. That was such a horrible name. What is it now?

 

[Me] Burr Sir

 

[Burr Sir] …

 

[Burr Sir] I actually hate that less. Thank you.

 

[Sage of Monticello] When are you gonna change mine?

 

[Me] Soon, I just don’t have any ideas for it

 

[JMads] What about TJeffs? It’s like mine, but for him

 

[Me] Yeah, but he needs something with more personality. I really wanna change yours too.

 

[Zero2mahhero] just do it for now

 

[Baguette] Tom, what was it you needed?

 

[TJeffs] Oh! That’s right, y’all get me so off task. Basically I’m recruiting all of you for movie night!

 

[Me] So you didn’t actually need anything?

 

[TJeffs] Weren’t you listening? MOVIE NIGHT.

 

[Kitten] Riiight. Gotcha. Very important.

 

[My John <3] Let’s decide when we get over there, yeah?

 

[JMads] Come over at 7 instead.

 

[Me] Why?

 

[TJeffs] ;)

 

[Kitten] Oh my god no.

 

[Me] I have mixed feeling because JefferMads but also what Kitty said at the same time.

 

[Baguette] They gettin’ bizayyyy

 

[Burr Sir] Let’s come up with the Hamilton/Laurens ship name tonight then

 

[Baguette] If you insist.

 

\----

 

“Isn’t it just the cutest thing when popcorn pops?” Kitty asks with a dazed expression as she stares at the popcorn maker. “They’re just so little.”

 

Aaron laughs at her, a bright smile taking up his face. Alex knew better than to think that it was one of his “smile more” grins though. The man only had this smile one other time before, back when Theodosia was still… That said, he would definitely be teasing Burr later, even if he was wrong.

 

“You’re also very little, mon cheri. What are you, five foot one?” 

 

Herc clicks his tongue at them. “Laf, don’t make fun of people just because you’re obnoxiously tall.”

 

“Hey!” Thomas calls from the couch. “They and I are the same height ya know!” 

 

“Sorry to hurt the ego that’s already as big as your hair then.” Alex snickered at the playful banter while Kitty just looked concerned, unfamiliar with the usual antics of the group. John gave her a reassuring smile before taking a sip of his Pepsi he insisted on putting in a mug.

 

“So what are we watching tonight?”

 

“Les Miserables!” Lafayette shouts. Everyone collectively groans.

 

It was John who decided to speak against it. “Laf, I love you,” almost everyone thought Lafayette blushed slightly, which Alex dismissed as lighting, “we  _ all  _ love you, but none of us enough so to watch that three hour movie for the fifteenth time.”

 

“But it’s so good! A movie musical, a tragedy. And in France! Aren’t you with me on this, Thomas?”

 

Jefferson just whistled a sheepish tune and looked at the ground. Laf crossed their arms at the unspoken betrayal. 

 

John once again was the one that broke the silence. “You know what we should watch?” He asked with a grin half way between a genuine smile and a smirk.

 

And, even though the question was rhetorical, Mulligan answered anyway. “John Laurens, I swear don’t say-”

 

“Who put the ‘glad’ in ‘gladiator?!” Hell, even when he was mocking their friend by shout-singing he was still perfection.

 

Alex and Laf joined in, “HERCULES!”

 

“Who’s daring deeds are great theater?”

 

“Hercules!”

 

“Is he bold?”

 

“No one braver!”

 

James pitched in with a squeaky, “Is he sweet?” 

 

That led to a “My favorite flavor!” From Thomas. Then the entire group- besides Hercules, who was leaning against the counter unimpressed- was too doubled over laughing to continue. 

 

When they all regained their composure, Herc asked, “Are you done yet?”

 

John glanced around a few times, before “Bless my soul! Herc was on a roll-”

 

“OH MY GOD.”

 

\----

 

Despite the earlier protests coming from everyone but Lafayette, the group ended up curled together on the huge “U” couch in the living room, armed with tissues. When Kitty asked why they needed tissues so badly, everyone just looked at her sympathetically. She didn’t even last through Fantine’s death before breaking down into sobs.

 

“What the hell are you guys making me watch? Why is this so sad?” She asks to no one is specific after “A Little Fall of Rain”. 

 

“Because, ma fraise douce, Victor Hugo was a very evil man when he wrote the book.  Même si elle était incroyable .”

 

“Um, Laf, did you just call her a strawberry?” Alex asks from where he was holding the crying girl. Herc put the movie on pause.

 

“Oui, just like I call you a lion.”

 

“Yeah, still don’t get that either.”

 

“Because,  _ mon petit lion, _ ” they say with a teasing tone, “you are very small, but fierce like a lion. And this isn’t the first time I’ve told you,  si je me souviens.”

 

When Alex opens his mouth to reply, Kitty places a hand over his mouth. “You two realize that I can’t speak French, right? The most I’ve picked up is, ‘Monsieur’ from this movie.”

 

“My apologies, when I get emotional I revert back to my French ways.”

 

“Speaking of movies, we should get back to watching this one if we want to finish it within this lifetime.”

 

The tissues are gone by the end of the movie.

 

\----

 

“Alright, so onto the next order of business- the Alexander and John ship name.”

 

Lafayette groans sleepily into Hercules’s shoulder. “Aren’t we blowing this out of proportion? Wouldn’t we all rather sleep?”

 

“This cannot wait!” Kitty eclaims from her place at the head of the table. Why she got that place when she had known everyone for about a month  _ and  _ she was in someone else’s house was murky, but no one said anything. “It’s been almost a month and we’ve yet to even celebrate!”

 

“No offense Kitten, but you’re like, the only one with energy.”

 

“That’s because you guys are boring.” She looked around at her lazy eyed friends and sighed to herself. “Okay, let’s just  _ try  _ to brainstorm.”

 

“You have fun then, I’ll be- what was the phrase again? Counting lams?”

 

Instead of answering, Kitty’s eyes widen. “Oh my god. That’s it.” She turns back to everyone else, who have all woken up slightly from the interest in what she was going to say next. “That’s your ship name: Lams.”

 

Instead of a round of applause and streamers, everyone just muttered a congrats and drifted off to sleep.

 

\----

 

Alexander woke up curled around his boyfriend on a chair in the dining room of a house that was not his. They house, of course, was Thomas and James’, and he reasoned that he fell asleep at some point from the long night.

 

He was careful when he woke up John so they could head back to the apartment to get in some alone time.

 

Alone time, it seemed, wasn’t going to get risque that time, because they both fell asleep on John’s bed almost the second they were on it.

 

\----

 

The next time Alex woke up, it was purely from the fact that he had gotten enough sleep. When he opened his eyes, he was met with those of his boyfriend.

 

“You know something John Laurens?” Alex said, not breaking eye contact.

 

“What is it?”

 

“On some mornings I wake up and think about how easy it would be for you to break my heart if you wanted.”

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“Because she was unsuspecting and I still broke her. I do that a lot to people. You could hurt me just as easily.”

 

John sat up and pulled Alex to the top of the bed with him. “I won’t though.”

 

“I would deserve it.”

 

“Don’t talk like that, you wouldn’t deserve it at all.”

 

“But I would.” Alexander shifted in John’s arms so he wasn’t being held onto so tight. “What goes around comes around. It’s only a matter of time. I’m not trustworthy. How you and the others can still stand to look at me astounds me everyday, because I’m not worth it.”

 

“Alexander,” John released his grip on him for a second and spun him so they were facing each other. “You made a mistake once. That doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of love, and I love you. So there. I won’t hurt you, ever.”

 

“It’s not you I’m worried about. I don’t even trust myself not to make horrible decisions sometimes.”

 

“Do you intend to cheat on me?”

 

“No! Of course not.”

 

“Then I trust you.” Alex wasn’t convinced by the matter of fact tone that normally calmed him down.

 

“I don’t know why you do.” He said bluntly. John shouldn’t trust him. John should’ve pushed him away the day he released The Reynolds Pamphlet.

 

“Because you love me and I love you, and through all the years I’ve known you, you’ve never once lied to someone you love. So I’ll believe you time and time again.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Google Translate French (please tell me if any of this is incorrect so I can make it right)-
> 
> Ma fraise douce- My sweet strawberry
> 
> Même si elle était incroyable- Although it was amazing.
> 
> Si je me souviens- If I recall.
> 
> Also I imagine that when Eljoras and Grantaire get shot Kitty just cries out "No!" and then they get into a discussion about how great Aaron Tveit is.
> 
> ANYWAY Tumblr is keekee1066world.tumblr.com come tell me to get a move on if I EVER take this long to update again.


	9. The Lafayette Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lafayette's perspective on things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not eving to give the "I'm sorry this took so long" spiel, because I know y'all've heard it before. I am very, very sorry though.
> 
> So this is Laf's pov, but this is the only time. It'll be back to John's chapter next time. So thank you for reading!

Laf didn’t know what they were going to do with themself if they saw John making heart eyes at Alexander one more time. It was  _ fine _ if they liked each other, but Laf couldn’t take another heartbreak. 

 

For as long as they had known him (a week before classes started, sophomore year of college), they were- what was it again? Tripping over John? Yes, that’s right.

 

\----

 

_ Lafayette was in love, for maybe the first time in their life. _

 

_ Well, perhaps love was a strong word. But this was something, oh yes, definitely.  _

 

_ They had no idea that their roommate for sophomore year of college was going to be so incredibly hot. Still, they had to be cool. _

 

_ They looked up at him, thinking of what to say. When they meant to go for a polite and simple ‘Hi, if you don’t mind I use they/them pronouns. Just thought we should get that out of the way,’ they instead said a in a monotonous voice, “They/them pronouns. I’m non binary.” _

 

_ \---- _

 

And while they were happy that he liked Alex so much, that didn’t take away the initial pain every time they watched his eyes light up when Alexander walked into a room. 

 

Or, in this case, when his eyes saddened as he watched Alex and a random chick leave. Honest to god, Laf couldn’t understand why Alex was still going after any and all “prey” that he came across when he was so obviously in love with  their Laurens. When you love someone, you only ever want to be with them, right? So why did Alexander always break the light in John?

 

Don’t misunderstand- Lafayette cares about Alexander too. They’re really good friends and they would still be happy for him if he did end up with Laurens. 

 

\----

 

_ Hot One looked down at them with a confused look, that quickly turned to a kind one. “Alright, glad to know so I don’t screw that up, but may I have your name?” Shit. That, right. _

 

_ “Gilbert Joseph Lafayette. If you call me Gilbert, I will not hesitate to wreak havoc upon this dorm room. Lafayette will do fine.” So far they weren’t exactly playing the kind cards right. _

 

_ But roomy just smiled- oh god that smile. “John Laurens. I must say, I look forward to rooming with you this year.”  _

 

_ Lafayette could feel their blush. “Me as well, Laurens.” _

 

_ \---- _

 

“Looks like you're going to be left without a roommate tonight, Mulligan.” Lafayette looked at John to see the very obviously forced smile he had plastered on.

 

“What do you mean? Where’s Alexan- oh. I just…  Nevermind.” Welp, looks like Laf wasn’t the only one in that group with a clue. Whatever Hercules was going to say, it had to be about Alex and John somehow.

 

“Hercules, mon ami, what is it? You can tell us.”

 

Herc hesitated before speaking again. “Nothing’s wrong, I just thought Alex liked someone else,” Laf could hear him still talking, but he wasn’t really paying attention. So Alex definitely liked John, no doubt about it now. They still wanted to make sure though. They caught Herc’s eye, and they stared each other down. Well, Laf stared down anyway. Hercules just looked very confused as to why they were half glaring at him.

 

“John, Aaron, I need to talk to Hercules here alone if you don’t mind.”

 

John snaps his head back down into reality and looks at them. “What was that?”

 

Lafayette sighs in exasperation. “I said, would you and Aaron mind if I chatted with Hercules here for a moment alone, please?”

 

John nods his head and he and Aaron both give an explanation about heading home early before leaving.

 

The second they see the door close they whip back around to face Hercules.

 

\----

 

_ It was only a few days after classes started when John burst into their room, panting. _

 

_ “Laf, I just saw the most amazing guy!” Nope, heartbreak, bodily functions shutting down. “Like, I didn’t actually talk to him, but he had red hair that was tied back, violet eyes, pale skin with freckles that were just barely noticeable. And when we made eye contact, it was like the sun and the moon combined wouldn’t be competition to the bright fireworks that went off in my mind.” _

 

_ Laf could only think of one person that fit that description. A part of them that they wanted to shove away until it didn’t exist told them to let their friend pine over a guy that he wouldn’t get to meet unless Lafayette introduced them. Put your  _ **_friends_ ** _ first. “He sounds like a guy from Monsieur Washington’s class.” _

 

\----

 

“Did our Alexander happen to tell you who exactly this person was?” They ask with a smirk that got cancelled out in sincerity by the frown because  _ Jesus fuck they don’t want to know. _

 

“Uh, nope, why?”

 

A waiter comes by with a margarita from some guy that’s sitting all the way across the bar. They wave and start swirling the liquid around the glass. “Somehow I think you’ve gotten worse at lying over the years Hercules. Now, would you like to try answering again?”

 

They look up at him, straight in the eyes. He looks around, as if to make sure no one was listening (even though they were the only ones left that knew them), and says, “Look, I’m not going to tell you whether or not he told me anything, because I’m not shitty. But I’m like, 99.999…” Hercules just kept saying nine, and Laf, in their very lightly drunk state, was sick of it after the first three. 

 

“Hercules,” they cut in. “Please.”

 

He looks back up at them. “... nine percent sure it’s Laurens.”

 

Laf nods and bites their lip. “Yeah, I’m going to have to agree with you there.”

 

“So what can we do about it? It honestly hurts to watch sometimes.”  _ Hurts me more than anything.  _

 

“ _ You  _ know, that  _ I  _ know, that Burr is the absolute worst,” They say carefully. “But maybe it would be worth it to listen to him and let this play out on it’s own. They’ll figure it out eventually.”

 

Hercules looks down at the table and nods. “So I suppose, while we’re on the subject,” he starts. “Do you have any,  _ personal _ affairs that you’d like to get out into the open?”

 

_ Yes, _ they think.

 

“No,” they say.

 

“Alright then,” Hercules nods.

 

“Why do you ask, mon cher?”

 

“Nothing it’s just,” Herc sighed. “Just know I’m here, a’ight? Don’t be afraid to tell me anything.”

 

Swear to god, drinks get into their friends’ systems so easily.

 

\----

 

When they eventually got home, near completely sobered by the walk, they were confronted by quite the sight. There in the middle of the floor passed out was their roommate, crush, bestfriend, love of their life, whatever you could call him at this point.

 

As they approached, they noticed various beer bottles scattered around him, at the very least three. Also, that he wasn’t unconscious, just unable to move by the looks of it, as he was mumbling softly to himself and winced when Laf stepped on a creaky floorboard.

 

They immediately set to work. There was no way they were just going to leave him there to wallow in his pain from mistakes of the night. They started with cleaning up all the bottles, rinsing them out and sneaking them into the neighbor's’ recycling bin because John and Laf didn’t have one of their own.

 

They turned off the T.V. and plugged in both of their phones so they would both have them charged in the morning. They finally faced the mess on the floor and let out a sigh, as said mess was a human being that definitely wasn’t capable of standing right now. 

 

_ Maybe I can try to carry him? _

 

Scooping him up bridal style, they slowly carry him to his own room, and lay him as gently as they can on the bed. They tuck him under the covers and lay a small kiss on his temple before walking out, shutting the door quietly behind them.

 

\----

 

They wake up with a headache, thumping wildly as the sun shines through the tiny window almost touching the ceiling. Slowly, they crawl out of bed and walk towards the coffee maker in the small kitchen. They eyeball how much half and half they’re putting in theirs, and just put a tablespoon of sugar in John's. 

 

They know that John is awake when a loud groan comes from his room. Boy, was it going to be a rough morning for him.

 

Laurens walks out a few minutes later in plaid pajama pants and a grey tank top, hand pressed firmly against his head and eyes shut tightly. They casually sip their coffee as John reaches into the medicine cabinet and comes back out with a bottle of Ibuprofen. They grab his coffee cup and hands it to him. The liquid inside is still fairly hot, just hot enough to drink. John also grabs two pieces of bread and makes a sandwich. Everything was calm. 

 

For a moment.

 

John suddenly sprinted to the bathroom, PB&J completely left behind. Lafayette follows him, and finds him sitting by the toilet, strange dazed look on his face.

 

“John, mon ami, are you okay?”

 

He nods and sits there quietly. Laf waits patiently for him to say something, but then they realize he isn’t going to, they walk away with a quick “Call me if you need anything.”

 

They sit down and read for a little while, trying to get lost in it’s pages. When they get out of their room again, John is peacefully napping on the couch with an episode of House Hunters International on the television. They smile down at him. In peace he looks so calm, nothing like the John Laurens everyone knows when he’s awake.

 

Oh yeah, Laf was going to snap. It was only a matter of time.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo, I'm back. So my tumblr is keekee1066world.tumblr.com. Yell at me if I take over a month to upload ever again. Please. No french in this one, besides maybe a phrase that everyone should've picked up by now.
> 
> Anyway, comments are my reason for waking up in the mornings, so leave one if you like. Bye!


	10. Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All apologies, my friends.

I'm very sorry to anyone who has been reading this did, because over a year after the publication of the last chapter, I have decided to officially abandon it. Reasons include the fact that my desire to write and share my work has died, and also because I am no longer a part of this fandom. I had originally planned to suck it up and write another, but just can't find it in myself to do so. I still have the outline for this story, so I can answer any questions people have in the comments. Once again, apologies.

 

Wishing the best,

Ren

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that! I'll start the new chapter soon, and this fic will get updated even if no one liked it because I have nothing better to do and I have an outline for it now....... Okay that's a lie. But I do know how I want to end it.  
> ~Mwah


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